Last week, we talked about high-functioning helpers: the capable, responsible people who keep going even when our nervous systems are tired.
This week, I want to share what’s been unexpectedly regulating me.
I’ll admit it. I still log into social media once or twice a day. But not to scroll headlines or track chaos. I log in to see where the monks are on their Walk for Peace across the United States, and now to check how Aloka the Peace Dog is recovering from surgery. In the evening, they livestream short clips from their dharma talks.
Their message shifted my nervous system back to a time when I was deeply anchored in my mindfulness practices. In fact, I’ve met many of you because 10 years ago, I was in your organizations introducing meditation and mindful leadership.
Why this matters for high-functioning helpers
High-functioning helpers are wired to focus on:
- What’s wrong
- What needs fixing
- What’s urgent
Our nervous systems are trained on problem-scanning. What I’m watching the monks not do has been just as powerful.
Three things I’m learning by listening
1. They don’t focus on suffering, even when it’s real.
Some are walking barefoot. They have blisters, and they openly talk about feeling tired. This isn’t denial. It’s nervous system wisdom. What we focus on repeatedly becomes the dominant signal to the brain.
2. They practice naming peace, daily.
One instruction has shifted my entire day. Take pen and paper and write each morning: “Today is a peaceful day.” Not because it’s objectively true, but because attention shapes experience. For high-functioning helpers, this is radical. We’re trained to track and document problems, not moments of peace.
3. They name our phones for what they’ve become: our lovers.
Then they gently ask us to make one promise: ignore this lover in the middle of the night. No shame. No moralizing. Just a boundary that lets the nervous system rest.
As part of our new brainSHIFT programs for teams, I also talk about avoiding our phones for the first 30 minutes of the day (even when I want to check on Aloka).
The nervous system thread underneath all of this
When the world feels loud, fast, polarized, and reactive, our instinct is to speed up. But regulation doesn’t come from urgency. It comes from steadiness. High-functioning helpers don’t need more effort. We need fewer threat signals.
Watching the monks reminded me: the calm isn’t coming from what they say. It’s coming from how they move through the world. Slowly. Deliberately. Publicly. Presence as leadership.
This week’s gentle brainSHIFT experiment
Choose one of these, just one:
- Write once a day: “Today is a peaceful day.”
- Notice where your attention goes: suffering or steadiness
- Give your nervous system a night off from its “lover”
No perfection. No tracking. No optimizing. Just notice what settles.
A question to carry
When pressure rises, do you move faster, or do you move steadier?
High-functioning helpers often confuse urgency with leadership. But the nervous system knows the difference.
Keep the hope alive, Dr. Romie
P.S. I’ll keep sharing what’s regulating me, not as prescriptions, but as invitations. We are in these unprecedented times together.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a “high-functioning helper”? A high-functioning helper is a capable, responsible person who keeps performing and caring for others even when their nervous system is exhausted. They tend to scan for what’s wrong, what needs fixing, and what’s urgent, which keeps the brain in a near-constant state of problem-solving.
How do you regulate an overloaded nervous system? Regulation comes from steadiness rather than urgency. Small, repeatable practices help: naming peace each morning, noticing where your attention goes, and setting gentle boundaries with your phone so your nervous system can rest. The goal is fewer threat signals, not more effort.
Why avoid your phone for the first 30 minutes of the day? Those first 30 minutes set the tone for your nervous system. Reaching for your phone right away floods the brain with information and urgency before you’ve had a chance to settle. A short pause protects your attention and your baseline calm. This is one of the practices Dr. Romie teaches inside the brainSHIFT programs for teams.
What is brainSHIFT? brainSHIFT is Dr. Romie’s framework and program for calming the busy brain and building nervous system steadiness. It is offered for individuals and for teams inside organizations.
Can Dr. Romie come speak to my organization on this topic? Yes. Dr. Romie delivers keynotes and team programs on nervous system health, burnout prevention, and mindful leadership for high-functioning teams. Reach out through her speaking page to check availability and start a conversation.
Bring this work to your team
If your people are capable, committed, and quietly running on empty, Dr. Romie’s keynotes and brainSHIFT team programs help them move from strain to steadiness.